Saucy shorts and other stories

Born and raised in Cheltenham, trained as an engineer, started a removal business in 1978, retiring in 2006 and emigrating to Cyprus. Have always been able to tell stories but I now feel that I need to write them down before it’s too late! Most of my stories and characters are drawn from my experiences in life. Read and enjoy and please come back with comments and criticisms.

Thanks, Michael White

There we were, not by choice but by order of the Governor and enforced by the occupation army. It seemed a lifetime ago that Israel was a free nation, then suddenly in marched the Romans and took over without a bye your leave or excuse......

      “I’ve sold my house and bought a narrow boat” That was the statement from my mate Terence Edgar Simmonds one morning as he arrived at work in the engineering factory where we all earned our daily crust. We were all very impressed as he......

The couple were breathless and she was still excited.        “Oh Tom, yours is so much bigger than Dad’s!” she said.        “I know, Mum says the same” he replied.“Dad said that when he was younger, he had the biggest one in the......

     The windscreen wipers were going flat out but still losing ground against the lashing storm, the lightning was almost continuous illuminating the inside of the car and reflecting off the chrome plated crucifix that dangled from the rear view mirror. The roar of thunder......

The residents of ‘Elderado Crescent’ were all early risers, not through choice but because of the cockerel at number two. It started crowing every morning at about five o’clock even though it was still dark.      Number two was the one property that let down......

Have you ever wondered what Bank Robbers do when they get old? I used to drink with an old scouser called Dave who purported to be a ‘scally’ bank robber in his younger days in the 1950’s.         Liverpool in those days after the......

Every morning at the crack of dawn a hooded figure used to walk around the crescent and again at nightfall. He had a dog with him a serious and vicious looking dog like Bill Sykes ’Bullseye in the film Oliver. He moved very stealthily and......

This is the true account of the loss of a ship on her maiden voyage. Built in Kockums Varv AB shipyard in Sweden in 1979, the MS Zenobia was the first of three ‘Challenger’ class roll on-roll off ferries, which means that the lorries drove......

I was very proud and pleased to be elected as the Grand Poobah of the Ancient and Loyal Order of Wildebeast. It was 1962 and the lodge was in its first year.         When the portrait was proposed, I felt very humble and exalted......

The planes come right over our garden those directly above are going to Larnaka, whereas those in front and over the sea are for Paphos. Each plane is carrying over two hundred passengers, assuming at least half of them are tourists, that’s one hundred people......

Hampton in the vale was a picture postcard village with a stream running down the main street. It was part of the estate of the Laversham family, Henry Laversham and his son William lived in the big house at the head of the valley. Henry......

Andrew Cleese was a peace loving man with a relaxed and compassionate disposition. He lived in Nigeria and enjoyed the life that he had. His parents had left him enough money so that there was no necessity to work, so he devoted most of his......

      Tom was a regular in the Sherbourne Arms, he was ninety five years old and had seen several Landlords come and go in the last thirty years. He was an ex Sergeant Major in the Royal Gloucester Regiment, and had served in the First......

It had been quite a night, it started early as I wanted everybody to come. People called in on their way home from work,     “Cheers Gray” they said as they toasted the fact that I was getting married and this was my stag night,......

A pub is only as good as the landlord, good landlord – good pub. Many of the old ‘back street pubs’ have now been forced out of business by greedy breweries demanding too much from their tenants. In the days before television, people would listen......

Brian Gough was back in his home town, not through choice but it was on his route back to London. He hadn’t been there for twenty odd years and decided to break his journey and have a look around, maybe stop the night and carry......

The distant memory of the soldiers invading their village, shooting the men, raping the women and children then setting fire to the buildings, leaving the survivors with nothing, still burned strongly in the heads of the refugees. Their leaky old boat was half drifting half......

Andy Moulder had had enough. His engagement to Sandra – the love of his life was off for good this time. His own fault of course he should never have gone on that works coach trip without her, he shouldn’t have had so much to......

Every now and then a new face would walk in to the Pub and become a regular. Such a case was Pasty, a Cornishman with a very strong accent about thirty years old who had come up to Cheltenham for work. Keen to be part......

I wake up – its light – I’m hungry, I stretch then up the stairs I run into the bedroom jumping up on the bed I’m brushed aside by her but he strokes me.      “Hello Roland do you want some breakfast?”. Of course I......

As the sun sank behind the factory chimneys at the end of the day, the alarm clock suddenly and noisily exploded in a cacophony of sound. An arm reached out from under the duvet and slammed down on the stop button. The silence was deafening......

The golfer was telling his friends about his unlosable golf ball. For a start it was day-glow yellow, so that you could see it plainly. If it lay in long grass it bleeped until found, in water it would release a flotation collar and bob......

The windscreen wipers were going flat out but still losing ground against the lashing storm, the lightning was almost continuous illuminating the inside of the car and reflecting off the chrome plated crucifix that dangled from the rear view mirror. The roar of thunder almost......

Andrew Cleese was a peace loving man with a relaxed and compassionate disposition. He lived in Nigeria and enjoyed the life that he had. His parents had left him enough money so that there was no necessity to work, so he devoted most of his......

Our pub darts team was unusual in that every player played under a pseudonym. We were called the Sherborne Sudos.  There was Hobsy the landlord and captain, then the two Asian lads Jasper and Pray adaptations of their proper names which were too complicated for......

Jeannie was floating – literally on her and her husband Mark’s yacht, Marjean, which was anchored off the Great Barrier Reef in the Coral Sea off Queensland. Mark was scuba diving on the reef, shooting a video of the beautiful coral and the fishes. She......

The wreck of the car was total smashed and squashed by the huge lorry it had collided with. The truck driver was on his phone, not concentrating and drove straight out into the main road. The car driver had no chance as the witnesses would......

The big house at the end of the village was beautiful six bedrooms and like a palace occupied by Lloyd Hobson and his wife Betty. They had everything, Range Rover for him, Mercedes for her, Lloyd was a scrap metal dealer but his ‘real earner’......

During my apprenticeship as an engineer, one day a week was spent at the technical college to learn the theory of engineering and obtain the certificates required for a successful career in the industry.       A good lecturer can hold students attention by making the......

Leigh Smith was a happily married man, He lived with his wife Mandy and their two year old son who was called Jack in a two up two down town house in Mansfield.      Leigh worked long hours in a transport depot, loading large lorries......

Everybody strives to have a perfect lifestyle but what is that? If you work in a town, it makes sense to live in the town. You take leisure time in the countryside, then a yen develops to live in a village, with only one shop,......

T’was the night before Christmas, all over the house, nothing was stirring, not even a mouse……….. Until the kids woke up, screaming and shouting as they explored the contents of their stockings left by Santa. Chocolate money!! A key ring!! Sweets!! A toy car!!  Dad......

The Merry Fellow Inn was a two hundred year old Cotswold stone built coaching house in the Cotswold hills and named after the original landlord in 1780 who was George Merry. George started the Inn as a staging house, changing horses for the coaches that......

The planet earth was in a mess, pollution of the sea, pollution of the air and pollution of the land. It was all the fault of one faction The Human Race. With their obsession for technical development in the last hundred or so years, the......

England in the nineteen fifties, the war, for most, was a distant memory, the baby boom was under way and the children were growing up in a land full of hope and opportunity.      Compton Abdale village in the Cotswolds was a picturesque pastoral scene......

Poor old James Simmons was seventy eight and not a well man. A visit to the doctor and subsequently the hospital confirmed his worst fears. He was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer and given six months to live at best. He was quite calm and......

The meeting room at the day centre was completely empty except for Chris the team leader. He was sitting waiting for the weekly class from the care in the community homes in the area. The attendance was only three or four each week but it......

Billy Barton breathed a massive sigh of relief, the Decree Nici had arrived that morning in the post and he was a free man. For twenty years he had been trapped in a loveless marriage to Sal now it was over. The divorce had been......

As part of our transport and removal contract with Sotheby’s we were responsible for clearing deceased estates. One such job was a big old house in Pittville Park in Cheltenham. Together with John Harvey, a Sotheby’s valuation expert, I undertook a survey of saleable items.......

In every workplace there is someone who seems to be incapable of completing a job. In the factory where I served my apprenticeship we had one called ‘Half a job Harry’ If he drew some equipment from the store, he would use it then he......

My friend Dave had a lot of contacts at Aphrodite Hills and there was always some painting and decorating work if I wanted it. While carrying out the restoration of a villa up there, I was approached by Mrs. Drew. She wanted the outside of......

With the threat of certain death from lack of social distancing during the Covid19 pandemic, people went into self isolation. Working from home, not going out, not seeing friends or relations, it was hell! Couples who had been together for years suddenly discovered that they......

As you leave Cheltenham on the A40 towards Oxford the road climbs through Charlton Kings village to the reservoir at Dowdeswell on the left. On the right hand side of the road is a turning for Dowdeswell Village. When I was young in the late......

The middle of winter was upon us and in Lapland a system that had been in full swing for six months was drawing to a close. It was Christmas Eve, the weather was foul, rain, fog, snowstorms, high winds you name it and it was......

The planet known to us as Earth was spent, the air quality was less than fifty per cent of what was required to maintain the life forms that were still left on there. With the global warming that occurred in the twenty first century had......

T’was the night before Christmas, all over the house, nothing was stirring, not even a mouse……….. Until the kids woke up, screaming and shouting as they explored the contents of their stockings left by Santa. Chocolate money!! A key ring!! Sweets!! A toy car!!  Dad......

Phillip slammed the phone down, he was angry, why couldn’t anybody see the situation like he could? He would call his parents back later and apologise but for now he had stormed off into the garden to be alone and try to make sense of......

It was the early 1800’s in the days of the wild west in the United States of America, there was a lot of trouble between the white settlers and the true Americans – the Native Indians! The U.S. army were patrolling the countryside in small......

The sun had set and the night time coolness had descended on the countryside all of the animals had finished their work for the day and had clocked out. ‘See you down the pub later lads’ somebody shouted ‘Yeah see you there’ was the combined......